Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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