drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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