I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
