mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
