i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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