from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
