perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
