Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A+ Viking dick
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
