I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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