Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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