The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize