if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
