apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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