I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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