i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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