Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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