Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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