Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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