Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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