Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
