Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.

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(845): View more from New York

I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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(229): View more from Georgia

Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.

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(301): View more from Maryland

dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist

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(616): View more from Michigan

Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?

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(586): View more from Michigan

You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Where are you guys?

(336): View more from North Carolina

Drunk

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