Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
