Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
