We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
