im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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