were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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