can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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