This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
