This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
