why didn't you poke me back
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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