Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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