watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
