Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
