No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
