Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
