just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Panties = found
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
