Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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