My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Less talking, more tequila
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
