Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
