my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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