Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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