John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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