You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
