I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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