As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Bring me that man meat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
