If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
