I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
