she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize