Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
