I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want to make out with him forever
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
