sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
