You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
