Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
