Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
