wrigley field is MILF paradise
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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