I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
