if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
