shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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