Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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