the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
