dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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