So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
