i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
