haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
